Dusting off the ol’ Blog

So I would like to say that I’m going to start blogging again on a regular basis. But that’s a really hard promise to make and to be honest I just don’t know if I’m up to it. But I will try to blog as much as I possibly can; I don’t even update facebook on a regular basis any more. Oh well. Well one thing if you have been off blogging for awhile when you search around you can read updates on people that you haven’t really done in awhile. My sister in law for example has other blogs listed on her blog and I have to tell you those women are true to their blog they blog at least once a week or more… way more than I do… but anyway I was able to catch up on some of her friends’ lives most of them I haven’t read in a couple of years so it was kind of fun for me to read and see how people lives have changed and etc. I don’t know it’s like watching the neighbors from the window, or listening to their phone conversations via scanner, but it’s more high tech and they put it up for public view so it’s not as creepy compared to the previously mentioned methods of snooping. But anyway I digress.

So the changes around our little home are starting to take effect. Our home is starting to fill with boxes of Tim and Helen’s items and the little man is starting to think he can have his own movable fort. I have to say I’m very worried about how Niki will handle the change with Tim and Helen no longer living with us. He LOVES his grandparents so much and I’m just really worried as to how he will do, but this will be good for all involved so it will be okay. The sad part is we only go to Indiana about 3-4 times a year so he will forget them and when we go there he won’t remember how much of a grandpa’s boy he truly is. So that’s kind of sad but it’s part of how life happens.

So next week Niki starts going to the baby sitter. I’m so excited for him but nervous at the same time. I know that he is really going to enjoy having another child to play with during the day so it’s a great move for him. It’s going to be a big change for the girls too b/c they are going to be going to the babysitter after school too so that should be different but the baby sitter is going to pick them up from school and bring them back to baby sitter so that will be AWSOME! I’m super excited that we won’t have to figure out how to get them to the babysitter every day. Lehna is very excited about being able to go to the babysitter; she wants to be able to help with the other baby as much as possible so I thought that was sweet. Maya said she really liked all the toys that Monica, the babysitter, which were all new to her.

Well also interesting reading I have decided to go back to therapy again. I have to say that I miss Marge something terrible but I have been taking anti-depressants for about 9 months and I still feel like I’m on a roller coaster so I’ve decided that maybe I need to talk to someone, help get my head back where it feels normal again. I think this will be a good move for everyone, my family is very important to me and I think that by getting out my frustrations and feelings with a counselor will seriously just help my relationships with them. It’s just one of those things that you just feel you need to do. I defiantly have some goals in mind of things that I want to accomplish and I’m hoping that together we can make some great changes. So one thing that I have pointed out is my negative self talk. I do this so often I really don’t even realize when I’m doing it. This is something that I am going to work on, it’s hard being so hard on me, and I need to give myself a break. I need to stop personalizing everything that has gone wrong and instead recognize all the positive things that I have done. It’s a total switch of focus, this will be a major challenge for me, but I think I’m up to it.

We are in the realm of change. You know change is stressful but it’s wonderful too. I’m excited about our new change to our family and I am very excited to be able to make new rules of the house with Tait and the family. We are going to moving in a great direction and I’m excited about it.

On the job front, well there isn’t much to report I’m kind of still in Limbo in my current position. I am able to apply for other openings through Kenosha County as openings appear which I am starting to do; being fearful that my position here might end only b/c the lady might come back… especially as the clerical union ends so it should be interesting. I also have been applying other places as well just to keep as many options that I can. I have an interview today for a company that I’m fairly certain I will get an offer from. I have an interview on Monday for a staffing company, and I had a test with the city this week for a position I applied for. So I have some things in the hopper I’m just trying to figure things out and make the best moves that I can. So it’s trying to decide should I wait and see here and take the risk or do I move on before it’s too late. So It’s kind of hard to decide what in the world to do, but I don’t want too many changes at once but I kind of feel that we will be guided in the direction we are supposed to go, so I have to trust that. I just have to trust in the process that I think is the tricky part, it’s the holding on that you have to just kind of wade through and being the patient person that I CLEARLY am it’s difficult for me. I think that’s why I am given so many things that take “time” to figure themselves out b/c it’s another time to be patient. Yikes I hate being patient!!!! So I guess we’ll figure this out, whatever we are going to do we will figure this out.

Well I wish I had more to say but I think I’m all out. I know that I have missed so many things about the kid’s postings and such but moving forward this is another thing I’m going to work on. I can just keep trying and holding my head up.