Trains, Trains, Trains

So our son is OVER THE MOON about Trains. He just loves them. He isn’t partial to what type of trains, Thomas, Chuggington, generic, Dora, he simply doesn’t care. What he wants is TRAINS and lots of them. The boy of ours loves to watch the trains go round and round… and he can do this for HOURS. He is okay just watching the train gives him such pleasure.


This weekend I was watching him laid on the floor watch the trains. I don’t know if he is imagining what he is doing on the train, or if he is just enjoying watching them go around and around. I took some pictures of it. He just loves the trains so much.

He got Chuggington on DVD so he wanted to watch that. He also loves cars as well. He will push them around and around and kind of make some noises. He just loves to play with anything he can push. He just plays on his side. He is such a sweetie.

Christmas is over :(

Well Christmas is over. In another 364 days we will be doing this all over again. It sounds so very far away when you say this in days because it seems SO far away, but like this year it will go by fast I'm certain.

So in Christmas Recap~

So we did a little traveling for Christmas. We went for a FAST trip to Indiana from Saturday - Sunday, staying at the hotel. The kids love staying at hotels, it is probably one of the strangest things. But they got to swim and see their cousins. Helen and Tim got us the hotel stay for our Christmas present. So it was good being able to go and see them. We went swimming a couple of times and the kids liked that. So at bedtime we were in the suite there at the Best Western so we had a king's sized bed and there was a little "living" room off of the bedroom. Well the girls slept on the floor and Nikolai was on the floor in our room initially until he woke up. This kid, who normally sleeps GREAT through the night, was up 3 times. So we put him in the bed with us. BIG mistake, he is part kangaroo he kicked me all night long, and it wasn't just a gentle kick it was BOTH FEET FULL FORCE in my gut, back, side... it didn't matter b/c he was going to kick... and he did. He wedged himself between us horizontally and I got his feet. He was ALL OVER the bed... it was not such a good night. After our stay at the hotel we went to see Tim and Helen's new house. It was nice it had enough room for all of their things and such. We had lunch there and we went back home. We wanted to get home because there was so much to get accomplished this weekend. So we got home and got things accomplished!

On Christmas Eve Tait went shopping for all of our menu items that I had planned for Christmas dinner. The kids I think enjoyed being home and being able to play with their toys. They were able to open one gift on Christmas Eve and we let them do that before lunch so all afternoon they played. Lehna had gotten Nikolai a Thomas the Train track and play set and he LOVED it, he watched the train go around in circles for hours. Maya opened the gift she already knew she was getting, the Lalaloopsy doll. And Lehna opened slippers and spa set for feet. They liked playing with all of their toys and of course they got new Pjs for Christmas morning. Here are some pictures of the happy kids.

We had an application on my Kindle that we were able to see where Santa was delivering all of the gifts, so we could track him. Tait had told the girls before they went to sleep that they needed to come get us in the morning before going in the front room. Tait likes to see their faces. So Maya woke up at 5:30 in the morning asking to see if she could see where Santa was... we pulled up the app and he had him laying in a hammock on the beach, and it just said Santa's journey is complete, than she wanted to know if he had come to our house... I told her to go look and Tait took her to the front room. She came back in our room all excited. Tait told her now she would have to wait until Lehna and Nikolai got up. So he told her she needed to go back to sleep. I told him he should just turn on cartoons b/c her returning to sleep was NOT going to happen. So at 6 am Lehna came in our room, rubbing her eyes and Maya promptly told her that Santa had delivered presents to our house and so she wanted to go out and look at them. Then at 6:30 Nikolai woke up. Our kids are early birds. So we went in the front room together and the carnage began.

Lehna wanted a guitar SOOOO badly... so she did get one... I however broke it when I was tuning it...  I over tightened the string... so she is getting a replacement tonight :(  Bad mommy

Nikolai was NOT interested in opening anything. Tait had opened a train as the first gift and that's all he was focused on he wanted it out of the package and that was it. So after the girls opened all of their gifts they helped their little brother by opening his gifts, they are thoughtful.

 

So they were pretty busy all day. They played and played and we watched Christmas movies and I listened to Christmas music. Tait and I made Christmas dinner and we just really enjoyed being together. It was bitter sweet. I defiantly enjoy being with family and friends, but this was really nice just being able to be home and not having to jam in the car and drive it was just really nice. The kids got to play with their toys and enjoy each other. It was really a nice day.

 

Nikolai LOVES this trains. I'm going to do a separate entry for his train’s b/c he LOVES them and I have pictures to upload.

But it was a really nice Christmas. I did miss seeing my family and hopefully we can get down seeing them again soon.

So enjoy the pictures..

Tid bits I forgot

Well I wanted to update as I had forgotten to say a couple of things in my update yesterday so I thought I would tack it on here. So we are only 7 days away from Christmas and Maya has been the one keeping track. She has been using the mouse advent calendar moving him over every day. Last night she said she was going to move him over tonight b/c she didn’t want anyone to have to do it in the morning. She is very thoughtful my little Maya. One of her gifts from Nikolai was wrapped pretty poorly (by me) and Niki fell on it and it opened on the side and it displayed what was inside. Well she asked Lehna was inside and of course she told her so Maya than asked for 3 hours straight if she could go ahead and open it b/c she already knows what’s in there so it would be good if we just let her open it. We are getting our layaway out of Wednesday to get all that ready to go. I have like a million things that still need to be wrapped but I don’t really know what to do with them so I’m not wrapping them yet. I had stocking stuffers already brought and a few things for under the tree, but the big stuff was still in layaway. I defiantly think that is the best way to go Christmas shopping for us. Of course they are getting no clothes so I feel badly about that but it will be okay. Lehna is into getting gift cards right now. For her birthday she wanted Tait to take her to Target and get her a bunch of gift cards so she could shop. I don’t know if she thinks that they are credit cards or what. We don’t use credit cards but I don’t know if that’s what she thinks they are or what. It’s a crazy thing. So I want to get a few just for her stocking b/c I think she would really like that. I could get her a couple for Kohl’s if I go to like CVS or something like that where they sell different names but I don’t know. I like being done. There is always “something else you could get”.

So we will be doing some traveling over the holidays. I think we are going to stop by for the weekend in Indiana and then come back. So I need to have everything was done as possible as far as getting tape and wrapping paper b/c on the 24th I want to bake cookies with the girls and those kind of activities. We are going to be getting our holiday menu so that will be fun too. I’m excited about having Monday and Tuesday off so that will be fun but that means we have to shove holiday food shopping on Monday, which as long as there are stores open we should be fine  I just want to get my list ready to on Monday or Sunday we will be ready to get things for baking and eating  We also have to get stuff for cookies for Santa… again looking NOT to do sugar cookies… So this weekend we made turtles for the girls’ teachers for school and they were super easy to make. But I was planning on dipping pretzels in chocolate for“filler” in the box but let me tell you that did NOT work out. I SUCK at melting chocolate; I burn the stuff in a double boiler that’s how bad I am. So this time… I made the mistake of adding butter to the chocolate thinking that it would make the chocolate creamer nope that didn’t happen it turned it to fudge and not even good fudge it was horrible. I just don’t do chocolate dipped anything well. So I will NOT be looking for a recipe for dipping for the cookies for Santa this year. I am not a pastry chef to any stretch of the imagination.

So Tim has been at our home for the last week packing up his and Helen’s stuff for the move to Indiana and I can tell you I don’t think he has been having very much fun. There is a lot of stuff but in the in course of moving we have found some things we thought were gone forever. One thing I Found was a gift certificate for the Flair a spa and hair studio here that Tait got me back in 2010!!! So I called them and asked them if I could still use it and they said YES! I was so thrilled so I scheduled that and got that done yesterday. That was sooooo wonderful. They are truly on my favorite things in life. I can just relax and get pampered. My muscles were so nice and relaxed last night and my skin smelled so good and soft. It was wonderful. I didn’t want to take a shower this morning b/c I knew it would wash it all away, but my skin was still soft it didn’t smell as good, but it was still soft. So I want to keep it up by constantly applying lotion so I can keep it as soft as she got it, b/c it was soooo soft last night. So I enjoyed that little find. But we also found 2 more gift cards! We found a Barnes and Nobel gift card AND an I tunes gift card so we are going to be using those up. So it was like a little Christmas gift for us. 

Well basically that’s it for now. I know I know nothing exciting just little things that I forgot to add.

Update, it's a little heavy to begin with...

I have to say I’m kind of at a loss of words. I don’t know how to start. I am truly sad by what happened in CT this last week. It breaks my heart to think of all of those innocent spirits that were taken without given the chance to have a full and happy life. It is truly amazing how twisted the human mind can get and how sick people truly are that people are not able to get the help they require. Heavenly Father was welcoming all of those beautiful spirits into his arms on the Friday morning to a place where they didn’t fear, they felt no pain, and were welcomed home by wondrous angels. As I went home on Friday afternoon after listening to the news all day on my computer, I streamed the live feed so I would have the latest information, I didn’t know what I should talk to the girls about. I followed the advice of an expert that said that depending on the ages of your children, and knowing your children, you shouldn’t involve them to much in this information. So after talking it over with Tait we didn’t have our TV turned on Friday night. They were not exposed to what happened on Friday. I feel that this is the best decision for them. I have started wondering about my child’s on safety at school now and thinking about how they open the door at their school and hoping that some changes will come down the line. I will gladly show my identification before entering the school as I feel any parent will now not have a problem with this as the recent events that have occurred. As Tait and I talked they buzz anyone in the door without us showing any kind of identification or anything of that nature. As we have always had business at the school, I don’t know what they do when you don’t have a child to pick up at the school so I’m unsure of what the polices will entail as we move forward. It does make me worry as to the safety of my children in their school as what happened in CT could have happened anywhere. I did find myself on Monday morning signing up for the active shooter training that we have offered here at the Job Center. I will be taking the course on Wednesday so I can prepare myself and my family if this were to happen if we were around we would be more knowledgeable in the senior. So my heart feels such sadness for those parents that have had their children taken from them. I also am sad for the spouses and family members of the adults that were taken away. All of the us are morning with you. Take comfort in knowing that they are now in happiness and can be with you constantly watching you and loving you. They are only a memory away. Death is only temporary and you will be with them once again, take knowledge in knowing that they are still with you.




When I went home and hugged my kids a little tighter on Friday. Even sending them off to school today, I still have a little pit at my tummy hoping that everything goes okay today. Our world is filled with evil and dangers and I hope that the spirit will bless them today and keep them save. It’s a shame when you have to worry about the safety of your children at school, mall, or movie theater. On this world we are faced with such terrible things we are filled with people around us that want to destroy the things we cherish the most. As we enter this Christmas season I know that since I have the knowledge of the atonement and the blessings of the savior that regardless we can be together again if we choose. I thank heavenly father for that ability to have that blessing. So we will work here on this earth to be good guides to our children. We will continue to raise our children and righteous and teach them right from wrong. I know these are choices I struggle with as well but again with the knowledge and guidance I can be the teacher that they need us to be.



I will now switch gears, I just wanted to express how I was feeling about the recent tragedies.



Miss Maya the helper. I have to tell you that Maya is probably my most aware child that I have ever seen. I have had a killer headache for the past 4 days and so I have spent a lot of time laying in my room in the darkness, not trying to sleep, but just to make the throbbing stop. Well yesterday Miss Maya came into our room and goes “oh mommy is asleep” and she scampered off. A few minutes later we heard knocking on the basement door. Tait opened the door and she had carried a basket full of clothes (that were dry) upstairs and had folded them, the best she could. She than told Tait that she wanted to help mommy since she was sleeping. She then went over to the dish washer and emptied out all the clean dishes and put them away. She said she really wants to help out since mommy didn’t feel good. She really was just over the top sweet to do those things for me since my head was killing me. She also just laid with me when I was laying down and asking me if I needed anything. I am so very grateful for having such a sweet little spirit.



So as we move into the new year I have really been thinking about some things, that I want to do. The first thing that I want to do is train for a 10K again. I have figured out it will take me 15 weeks to complete the program again. So I have found a race in Hartford that will happen that Tait and I are going to register for and do. We figured this would be perfect b/c we would be able to have mom and Terry watch the kids for us while we raced. I’m so excited about it. We start training next week and we are back to the hard core of it. We want to get back in running shape and we can do it. It’s a pretty basic program and it works. I would like to do the 10K under 45 minutes. That’s my goal. So we have that set out on the calendar and we are going to start working towards that goal. I am feeling like things are starting to come back under control again.



I am starting to set goals for myself and I’m starting to work on some internal things as well. I am working on being more aware of problems that I have and improving myself. I feel as if I’m walking down the right path again… at least I’m on the path before I just felt like I was sitting spinning. So here we go.

Only 11 days till Christmas!

Okay so I’m starting to sound a bit like my children with the countdown… but I’m very excited about Christmas this year. I think its b/c I really enjoy watching my kids open their treasures and getting really excited about what they have received. Maya did peek at one of her gifts already, it had a hole in the package then Nikolai jumped on it and so it opened the top of it and Maya was VERY excited. She than asked the rest of the evening if she could open it and she was told NO!!! Between the girls asking about their gifts and opening I’ll be glad when they do get to open their gifts. Next year there will be no putting of the gifts EARLY under the Christmas tree because I think that just spurs more asking…


Well Tim and Helen are slowly starting to remove their items from our house. It’s quite the process. Tim came this week to help pack and load another car load. I have a feeling that getting all of the items is going to take some time. But he is taking the clothes out of the closet so that will mean we can move our clothes to the closet, just not our dressers  The master bedroom upstairs the closets are much smaller than the one we have down stairs (which is pretty small) so we are only going to move some of our clothes upstairs and leave some of them downstairs… probably all of my summer clothing will remain down stairs and my dresses (since I don’t wear them very often). I will be really excited when we get to move our dressers inside and then we will be able to move the desk in from outside so I can have a place to do my make up every day. So that will be fun  Baby steps that’s all we go right now.

The kids have been hyped up all week. The beginning of the week both girls came home “sick” on Monday. I personally think they had the case of the Mondays. B/c neither of them acted very sick by the time they came home. But overall their behavior has been wild! It’s the holidays I’m sure but mercy me they are just wild sometimes. Maya has started playing with Nikolai a LOT more which is kind of fun that they are able to play with one another but the issue that I’m finding is Maya plays a lot rougher with Nikolai so he tends to get pushed down more so we are constantly reminding her that you have to be careful with him. Of course Nikolai just comes right back with the pushing or the head thump. He is a boy boy afterall.

So the weekend plans are to try to get the kids to see Santa. We are going to look in the “Get Out” section in the paper and hopefully we can catch him somewhere in the area. Hopefully it will be FREE b/c free is always better. I think we are planning on a date night, which will be a ton of fun! I love date nights. There is this restaurant that is just down the street from our house. It’s kind of a mix cuisine called “Twisted Cuisine” and there are all kinds of different things there. Like their will be Ostrich or Crab pumpkin soup, they mix flavors. It’s very good and different. We got there about once a quarter b/c the change the menu with every season, so you don’t get the same thing every time you go. We try to do local businesses around our little town b/c we get so warn out with the chain restaurants. We have found that if we “save” the local businesses for date night, it makes it more special for date nights and we take the kids to the chains. 

So this week we had a carry in by the supervisors in the division and one of the supervisors made these turtle treats that I’m going to make this weekend. They were so yummy. The recipe includes:

-pretzel

-Rollo

-Pecans

Take the Pretzel and put on a cookie sheet, put the Rollo on top, put in the oven at 350 for 4 minutes, once chocolate is starting to melt, take pecan and push down in the center of Rollo… that’s it… they are SOOOO YUMMY and EASY! So I’m going to have the kids help me make some… Maybe this will be my Christmas gift for my neighbors since I ate their turtles I brought for them last weekend 

I have to start getting stuff gathered for next weekend since it will be a Christmas weekend. I want to have some fun crafts for the kids to do. They love doing crafts and I think it will be fun. We normally do Christmas cookies. Last year I bought the rolled dough and I cut them into circles (yeah exciting right) they decorated them with icing and sprinkles. I would prefer NOT to do these kind of cookies only b/c they really aren’t my favorite. I am just trying to think of some kind of cookie that the kids can “decorate” or help make but not this particular kind of cookie, so if there are any ideas out there. I’m open.

So that’s life as we know it right now. Christmas shopping is complete and just getting ready for my holiday menus. I think we have decided we will not be heading anywhere for Christmas instead we will wait until after the holidays and travel than. I mean if we are not going to be there for Christmas just makes it another trip another time. Maybe we will mail the gifts that would be fun for them to get something in the mail. So we’ll figure something out.

Christmas Shopping Done!

Well it’s time for another update. I can officially say I’m DONE Christmas shopping. I finished yesterday. The last person that I had to shop for was my niece and got her all done! The kids were able to shop for each other and that was a lot of fun. I took each kid one by one to get their Christmas gifts and that was fun seeing what they wanted to get for one another. Lehna and Maya were both great on their individual shopping trips. I took each child to their own store to pick their gifts out; I did this to allow them different options. It was good because as they were shopping for each other, they were also shopping for themselves so I was able to see what they were interested in. Maya already knew what she was getting her brother as she tried to get it for him a few weeks ago when we saw it in the store. The girls were actually easier than I thought they would be. Nikolai was kind of a challenge not b/c he doesn’t have interests but finding what he wanted at the stores we went to was more difficult. Nikolai on his shopping trip was horrible. I had to stop at Hallmark to get the ornaments for the kids and Nikolai was AWFUL. He has hit his terrible twos and he’s not even two yet. He ran away from me and kept reaching for very breakable things. When we went to Marshal’s to get something for Lehna I had to let him carry around a train to get him to sit still in the cart. Insanity he’s not even two yet! Maybe this means since he’s getting into it early he’ll be out of the stage quickly, I hope!


So I love snow during Christmas time. I am ready for it to snow anytime. I love having snow during the winter time. It doesn’t even bother me if it’s before or after Christmas. I just love snow for Christmas. I like being a snuggly warm in my sweater and enjoying watching the snow fall on Christmas. It just makes it so much more Christmassy. I love the snow during December and January verses March or April. I don’t even mind snow in February as long as it’s EARLY in the month and not late.

So we are all set and ready for Christmas. I still have all my wrapping to do, but at least my Christmas treasures are bought. It’s hard to believe that Christmas is only 15 days away. We still haven’t decided what we are going to do as far as going to Indiana for Christmas, we might go before Christmas, but I kind of feel like if we do that why don’t we just go another time. I mean what’s the difference if we aren’t going on Christmas any way. So we’ll figure it out.

The girls had a friend stay over on Friday night and let me tell you that was crazy times. Our neighbor came over as well so we had 4 little girls running around with a little boy trying to tag along as best as he could. It was LOUD to say the least. I swear my kids are part deaf the way the yell and have the level of the TV. I understand that they talk so LOUD so they have to turn up the TV to hear it it’s all a cycle… but mercy it was loud. We kept kicking them down stairs to the toy room but that would only last for a few short minutes and they would be back up. We turned on Brave for them and I went down to offer to paint nails, which were an interesting activity. Mila (Lehna’s friend) insisted that red and bright pink was not for “little girls” b/c her mom told her that “it just doesn’t look good on kids.” Probably a way of having her kids stay out of her nail polish I would imagine. Then my girls insisted that there wasn’t anything WRONG with it… so I had to ref that discussion. I need to teach them to be more tolerant of people and for them to just ignore the other person’s differences. This seems to come up a lot for some reason. Maybe it’s just a kid thing, I don’t know, maybe most kids are like this.

So work has been pretty busy. It seems like there are lots of teenagers getting into trouble right now. We were kind of slow with new petitions (new charges against teenagers) but right now things are really busy. We are learning new things in our office. We are progressing to “scanning” you would think this is brand new stuff. I mean seriously this technology is NOT new. But I work with a bunch of women that this is just REALLY new to them and let’s just say it’s kind of scary for them. So I’m kind of leading the charge as to getting everyone trained and making everyone comfortable. I keep trying to down play it as “it’s really not as difficult as you think it will be, you’ll see”. They don’t trust me, yet. So it’s been kind of fun doing new things. I am still working on getting my manual together because ultimately I’m learning the role of this position to train someone new. Kind of dumb I don’t know why they just don’t keep the responsibilities to me, but it’s a split position and the other department wants to hire the person like yesterday and well let’s just say that my department wants to go a little slower, especially since we are not through learning everything yet. So it’s again transition.

I have to tell you I have starting to become a crock pot queen. I have found some really good recipes via the crock pot and some really bad ones too. I’m looking for any other crock pot recipes. I really enjoy coming home and just eating rather than having to cook. It’s wonderful starting it in the morning than leaving. So if anyone has any ideas let me know  Tait and I have been doing really well with menu planning and the more options that I have the better. It helps us not have to live out of a box all the time. I have been on Crockin Girls which they have a few things that have been good, but some really bad things too. So even websites I’m willing to check out. I have been working on getting a book of all of our favorite things and that has been really nice coming up with new things and remembering them when we are going a blank when we create our menus for the week. So I’m open to suggestions. Well that’s all I have for now. Enjoy!

It’s DECEMBER!

I have to say it seems like the end of the year just goes faster and faster every year. We have our tree up in our home, lights on the bushes outside, and Christmas stickers on the front door we are VERY festive in our home. It only took like 2 hours total to do everything. This year was a bit more fun decorating the tree because the girls actually wanted to help, and they did most of the decorating. Nikolai on the other hand really just wanted to take the ornaments off the tree. At one point I looked over at him and he was chewing on one of them. I am much bummed b/c I can’t find one of my boxes of outside lights, that also holds my tree skirt in it as well. So our tree is “naked” underneath… oh well. We have decided this will be our final year for this tree and will be getting a new tree next year. Over half of the lights failed to come on this year (it’s prelit) and it’s just time to get a new tree. So we will be looking at sales for after Christmas for next year. So that means next year we will have a new tree. It’s kind of a bitter sweet because this is the first tree Tait and I got when we first lived together. But the next tree we will have will be our first “family” tree that we pick out together, so it’s okay.

So the kids are so very excited about Santa coming. Lehna has been on the fence as to if she is a believer or not. She did write a letter to Santa about the things that she wanted. So she’s just trying to decide if she should believe. I can’t decide if I should tell her the truth or not. She has these kids in her class (I swear ever since Kindergarten, they have been in the same class) but they must be Jehovah’s witnesses and she said that “they don’t celebrate anything” and have told her that there isn’t a Santa. Which shame on the parents for not teaching their kids about other people still believe so it’s not something you should tell other children, or maybe they did, who knows?

We are done with Christmas shopping I have a feeling it’s going to be a good Christmas for the kids. We usually go overboard and I think we scaled back enough that I think they will enjoy everything that they received. I didn’t get any outfits or clothing for them this year. I told Tait that with Lehna being the size that she is she really needs to be with me to shop for clothes. And well Maya doesn’t need another piece of clothing and Nikolai I am kind of waiting to see what size he will need over the next few months. He’s in 24 months right now, but 2T is WAY too big for him yet and I don’t know if it will be super cold when he gets into 2T or if will be spring time. We are just getting things as we need. So it’s all fine.

There is this tradition that they celebrate in Wisconsin, which I’m sure they celebrate in other places as well, I just haven’t heard of this before but that St. Nick comes to visit on the night of the 5th of December checking in with the boys and girls and leaving toys in their stocking… But he’s different from Santa… this is celebrated in Northern Europe. It’s all the rage here I personally think it’s a little strange but whatever. So he’s coming to visit tonight. The ladies that I work with were talking about all the little things that their kids are getting from St. Nick tonight… So we are doing simple and easy: letters and ring pops done.

The girls starting going to before and after school care at CLC verses the baby sitter. We did this for a couple of reasons first the kids were hard to get transported over to the babysitters house everyday and second we didn’t have a place to put them in the morning. We had a family that was willing to watch them in the morning, but in the week they were watching them they were late 3 times in one week. So we decided we couldn’t continue this way. So it’s $5 a day whether you use afternoon, before or both so we are just utilizing the school. Maya had a bad day at CLC yesterday apparently she got yelled at because she opened the door because her dad was on the way up to the door. She threw a HUGE fit and stated she wasn’t going back. So after a discussion with her she agreed to go again but I wrote notes to both her teacher and the CLC teacher hopefully this will be a more positive experience for her, I don’t like the idea she doesn’t like it, but I’m kind of stuck… and I figure she will get over it eventually.

The baby sitter seems to still be working out. Nikolai has been going to Monica’s house for about 3 weeks now and so far it’s okay. Monica really enjoys having him and I think she’s pretty attached to him. We have finally figured out a solution to my poor son’s butt. I know I know the life of parenthood. The poor kid has the most sensitive skin I have EVER seen. He has eczema, which is pretty typical for kids… but this kid every time he had a poopy diaper his butt would just burn b/c of the poo… I know I know I hope readers aren’t enjoying a snack… but anyway so everything just cleaning him it was like fighting in a cage match b/c it hurt his bottom and rightfully so but seriously it was horrible. So I put on Facebook about my struggle with this diaper rash from HELL. So one of my church ladies suggested that we try Bag Balm, I have NEVER heard of this stuff before in my life… but it is a MIRACLE drug. It kind of reminds me of Vaseline but it’s much thicker and smells almost like lip balm, but it has been amazing. I guess it creates like a seal on their skin and so it doesn’t burn his skin any more. I just wish I could have found this stuff earlier but it is wonderful, and changing his diaper isn’t horrible any more. His butt is back to a pretty white and he will lay somewhat still for a diaper change. Which for an almost 2 year old… I’m okay with that.

So for the past couple of months I have been on antidepressants and some anxiety medication and I think things have improved a bit, but they still haven’t felt normal. I can’t really describe it but I still feel down just really sad, can’t really describe it besides saying sad. So I decided that it was time to talk to someone about my feelings to see what else can be done because medication alone just wasn’t taking care of. I have been her for about a month now, and I have to say that so far it’s going pretty good. I am definitely recognizing some things that I am doing as far as obstacles that I’m putting in front of myself. I’m working on reality verses the voices in my head. I know scary stuff right. Actually not in the crazy demonic sense in the self talk verses reality. I have a VERY overactive imagination and most of the time I create my own worries over things that logically I shouldn’t be worried over. Also I’m working on some feelings that I have. So far things are going okay. I told her every time I go there I cry, which is very true. But as she says I’m working on some tough things and its okay. I have to say she isn’t Marge but I like her. She definably has some different techniques that we do verses what we did with Marge, but I’m trying to feel centered again. With Marge I always had homework, I don’t have as much homework with Linda but I still have to keep a journal or at least have a way or recording the thoughts that I have later, because usually later is when it hits you. So I hoping that eventually I will feel back to normal and great once again. I am hoping to find my will to do things again. I have to be more positive. I just want to be better for myself and my family that is my goal.