Mundane Life? Maybe... who cares it's my life

 I feel like I have really neglected my health and workout schedule.  I mean I didn't really have one of these before, besides a few times where I would focus on the for a while then get bored with it and then ignore all my "new ways of life."  I wonder why I do that, I seem to get side tracked.  I guess it's b/c it's really hard and honestly it requires so much will power and I just don't know I have it in me.  If I think about it that's probably just malarkey as to what I just said.  I mean I have managed to go back to school and get my teaching license and that was a two year program of working every weekend to get all my classwork done... but I can't managed to find the will power to workout, what a bunch of crap. 

I think it's b/c it's so hard for me to lose weight and then when I try I get so frustrated when my number on the scale doesn't move that it just disappoints me.  I know that there are some people that they never get on the scale and they only go by measuring.  Well I wish I could be that person.  I wish I could never get on the scale and just go by either my clothes or measuring, but I have found ways to "cheat" at that...   I think pictures can be effective, if your willing to stand in front of a camera and take them... yikes! I think about weight loss surgery...  but I then I think about the cost that it would do to my family.  I mean that would be at least $6000 (that's after insurance) to do... and I don't have those kinds of funds.  So I guess since I can't get my commitment to where it needs to be I'll continue to ache.  That's one thing I hate about all of it, I hurt all the time, my body aches all the time.  I get up from sleeping and I hurt... which means I need to MOVE.  But I put road blocks in the way and I make excuses.  I hate that!  I wish I had more energy but I just don't it's terrible.  I don't know maybe I'll get there... but it's not looking good.  I need to get obsessed with it, then maybe I will feel inclined to do something about it. 

So we will see what's in store for me this year.  I keep reading my predictions according to my horoscope and I have to say it's looking pretty good.  So maybe that will be right.  I'm excited about my new adventure and I'm feeling very nervous as well. I want to do a good job and really inspire the kiddos that I will be working with.  I want them to love learning and teach them new things and hope that my little influence will help them be better people.  I want that to by my carbon footprint.  It doesn't even have to be large just a small thought or idea that sticks with them about something positive.  It will be a challenge but I'm excited about it. 

Well that's my life right now.  Trying to find motivation and keeping my anxiety in check... sounds exciting doesn't it?  I know my life it's pretty mundane but that's okay b/c it's mine.